


Unfortunate Regalities

by CaptainTsukiko



Series: Crushed Pages Of A Love Letter [2]
Category: Finder no Hyouteki | Finder Series
Genre: Angst, F/M, Journalist with a crush, M/M, Romance, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-20
Updated: 2016-02-20
Packaged: 2018-05-21 23:18:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6061855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainTsukiko/pseuds/CaptainTsukiko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An in-depth, exclusive guide by Liu Feilong - how to loose control over everything in just a year.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unfortunate Regalities

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Grinner_H](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Grinner_H/gifts).



> Not exactly a sequel of "With Love, Your Victim" but it's for the same person presented with with same feelings and insecurities so... I thought I'd put it in a series form...
> 
> All the Haiku used in the role play scene is from Matsuo Basho, Sōgi and Shōhaku (?).

**Rating** : I'm starting to think I'm incapable of writing anything that's not rated T...  
 **Special acknowledgements** : the fact that I couldn't choose between this fic and the previous one, so I just chose to publish both.

.

 

**Unfortunate Regalities**

 

If ever I issued a contest where I would jump off a cliff as the first prize, I would be the first person to join.

...Ahem.

Apologies.

As of late, my mood swings--that used to be in thick leashes, mind you--suddenly sprung upon me like a tide. My life can be said a salad of stress. Now I can confidently say I can see my future. (Me, sitting in some dirt laden chair with bloodshot eyes and a pallid person; staring with despair at a computer screen trying to find an inkling of a job.) And just like any other, I sought to liberate myself by watching some graphic--to say the least--pro wrestling.

Minutes became hours and the simple site of YouTube became the bright squares of a list of our recent employees on our company website.

I remember the moment I came across Takaba Akihito. Bright eyed, Hawaiian shirt and an untainted smile.

The moment I fell.

And when I became a shadow.

.

[Month 1]

One hour, thirty six minutes and a half of staring into the haunting eyes of a goldfish swimming. I wonder how I must look.

Me, sitting in immaculate dressing, despair barely in leash and dark circles hanging under my eyes. Waiting for a simple call, or even a sign that I had been called for my appointment.

But it seems fate has other plans.

Quite the ones to make me more miserable than I already am.

(I fantasise that anyone would go crazy in my situation, and not just me being paranoid about not being called for the interview.)

"Liu-san," I looked up at Azumi, probably with a stony look on my face. For she immediately went pale. "Do you want coffee? It seems Tanaka-san is still busy..." With Takaba Akihito, she left out. As fellow journalists, the other staff was well aware Takaba-san... and I _just disliked each other immensely._

And to avoid incurring both of our displeasure (mostly mine, I admit) one mustn't mention the other's names in front of us.

"And work?"

"Tanaka-san isn't that overbearing today." She offered a weak smile. "So I'm, um, free." The sweet agony of being the secretary of a boss who liked you a it too much. I don't envy her at all.

"Then I don't see why not."

I think I saw her release a sigh (was it out of disappointment or relief?) as she frittered out. I felt a pang of pity.

I must try harder to control my expressions.

With that I crossed my legs, closing my eyes and pretending that none of this situation is real.

.

_[December, Last Year]_

_I should've expected it. We're rivals, see._

_But I didn't._

_But the proof is bright before me._

_"Takaba-san," He turns as I throw to him the piece of paper like its a curse. And spit words with venom lacing the very core of my sore, coffee stained throat that: I didn't expect this kind of behaviour from him._

_The people around us stare._

_For a moment, Takaba Akihito looks at the paper. And then breaks out of out of it with a chilling stare and pulls out his own paper and says that he didn't expect this from me either._

_I look at him confused. So he wasn't the one who left hate mail into my bag...?_

_"What--_

.

[Month 2]

"So yeah..." The coffee shop is empty. And I could see from Takaba's weary stare that it doesn't set him off nicely. Somehow, it only sent sharp pleasure slithering up my gut. "You found a chunk of my hair stuck your front door."

I grunt out an approval, my hands laying dangerously close to Takaba's. "I'm missing a rather large section of my hair." I show him the piece of short, choppy lock. And It sends a shiver of disgust in my throat so I don't hesitate to show it in a deep frown.

"We should call the police."

"I'm also missing my dog."

"...Fuck."

.

"So we can't call the police--and potentially risking our lives--just because of a freaking dog." The little brat presses two fingers into the hollows beside his nose, sighing.

"It's not just a 'freaking dog.' It's a pure golden retriever and husky hybrid that I specially bred with my blood, sweat and high quality dog-food—"

"Look, I get it that you love your pooch." Takaba waves his arms to stop me from correcting him about that comment. "I really, totally understand. But think... Wouldn't it be much easier to find him if we just called the police? We don't even know if some guy that took--"

_"Kidnapped."_

"Okay. Kidnapped your pet--"

"He's my soulmate, mind you."

"We don't know if he or she was kidnapped in the first place! And goddamnit stop interrupting me when I talk--"

"Can we just start looking at the kidnapper's notes already?"

Takaba throws a searing glance at me, face flushed with a tinge of dark red. And is that a pout I see?

"We would, only if you'd stop interrupting me every two friggin' seconds..."

That, was the start of a fairytale without fairies.

.

_My Innocent Love,_

_It is my own humble expectation that you hunger for me as much as I do for you. At night I lay sighing with anticipation as my manhood swells with the thought of your silky skin upon mine, our breaths mixing as the night deepens in tune with our passions for each other. My Dear, I would fly to your arms if I could._

_Alas, you're the sun to my Icarus and my wings melt with your searing charm . And so, please let me wrest from you a small token to further our love for each other. Your favourite animal and your hair in exchange for a few strands of my own. Let us not let these puny mortal instruments such as authorities get in the way of our love. Or even God shan't say what I'd do to for you._

_Good bye for now, my life. I wish you happy dreams laced with my visage._

_From your earnest admirer, T._

"So he is basically saying that 'I love you so so so much, so I took your dog so don't fucking call the police or I'll do something unimaginable.' Is that it?"

"..."

"Feilong?"

"..."

"Feil-- _WAH!_ wait, what'd I do, ow, _stop hitting me!_ "

.

By late evening, I-- we'd figured out that Takaba's hair was cut to ensure that even if we took the hair to the police, it would only raise brows at Takaba's direction. But with my intelligence, I deduced that the assailant may have blonde hair, natural ones. And why would the kidnapper attach a chunk to Takaba's doorstep wasn't my worry. Though I couldn't tell which one of my barbaric admirers had ruined my day...

I had a suspect.

"Agh..." Takaba stretched, coffee laying untouched. "You're just like Gordon Ramsey." I look at him blankly. And he took that as a look of confusion. Laughing lightly, earlier tension still imbedded in its tone, "y'watch 'Hell's Kitchen'? He's the devil incarnate!"

"I haven't." I snort. "I'm not a foodie."

He leaned too close for comfort. "Then what _are_ you?" So I lean back, wariness seeping in like medicine.

"I like books. They're refined and cultured." Seeing him nod, I add: "Unlike you."

The faint choking sound coming from him was like music to my ears.

.

There is something liberating about being naked in a pool water. You are naked, but it feels natural, a sense of unrefined freedom. Like secretly you were a mermaid all along.

But-- "Seriously? That's your idea?" Feilong, impassive as always, sings into the receiver. And somehow, it makes Takaba angry how he can feel like a fresh glass of cold beer on a hot day. "Well, what else do you want me to do? We could call the police. 'But oh no my dog!' What else do you have if you don't wanna die?"

"Anything but living together. I don't think I was casted for a Shoujo manga, thank you very much."

"Finding a _severed paw of your probably dead dog_ stuck on the front door with a love letter, isn't exactly a Shoujo manga thing."

"Let's just.. Let's meet and settle this." Well, that's even better. Takaba isn't a fan of screaming into phones. His neighbours are staring.

.

[Month 3]

Takaba can hear the soft breaths and even softer crinkles of smooth silk.

And it drives him crazy.

A pillow to the head and earbuds shoved tightly into ears, his body is tight with tension akin to someone at gunpoint.

This wasn't what he planned when he suggested they live together.

It's even better.

"Still awake?" He can just hear Feilong wiggling his toes on the bedsheets from the top bunk. It's endearingly childish.

"Yeah."

"Go buy me some cigarettes. I'm out."

A long sigh and the hot edge of annoyance slices his throat.  
What did he hope from this again?

.

_一BANG._

Glass flies to the back of my head.

I imagine there's a background song that demands an up-tempo dance number. This moment deserves that.

"...the fuck - was - that?"

Scenery passes by, but my stare is rooted to the road unfolding. Feilong, beside me, runs a slender hand through temporarily waved locks, casting a peaked look behind where that - that, that insane noise hit.

"We were shot at."

He doesn't look worried but rather taken aback, and that wouldn't be fair on another rainy day because I can feel my back sweating; looking to be the next Niagra Falls. Lips pale, eyes wide, I speed ahead.

Screw traffic rules, Or the fact that the windows are wide open, messing up my partner's hair and earning myself a dirty look.

I swallow a large blob of saliva.  
_Now that's a change of pace._  
  
"Takaba," Silk. His voice is like silk.

"We're not going to die."

Then, an even smoother; softer: "I believe in you."

Muscles in my body freeze, loosing the breath in my lungs.

.

_Drip. Drip. Drip--_

The leather bites into my arms. I think they're red already, bleeding even. I fall sliding from the iron bars to cold tile floor. (Is it a cage?) My head pounds, where's Feilong, and where the actual fuck are my clothes--

Footsteps. Towards my sanctuary. I can't see them, or him, or all of them.

My intestines knot into a big ball.

.

Location: typical Chinese dragon lady-esque bedroom, complete with dragon furniture and that strange snake patterned bedsheets.

Company: Liu Feilong. (And that crazy bro of his - Yan-Suzy? - who's unconscious.)

Situation: "We'll die any minute by your incest crazed bro, heck, even by your own Mafia family if we don't get the hell _right fucking now._ " You know, the things normal people try to do when they're kidnapped?

Obstacle: "I can't." There's that sick, frustrating discomfort in Fei's eyes that makes me want to punch him the groin. "My father... He's sick- I can't leave him."

Tactic: "...Shut your filial little fuckin' ass up for a moment and listen." I grab his arms; and it makes his eyes go round. Like, I've committed a strange crime or something.

"I don't want you to die."

So let's go. Together.

.

So, here's news, I've had a run in with a mafia family, Liu-chichi was about to be killed (but was saved by the oh so great me) by Liu-incest-aniki (what's his name, Yan-Suzy? Yan-Tsundere) so he is in police custody. (But on different charges other than attempted murfer. I imagine Feilong had something to with that.)

And Feilong's bursting with teen angst. Probably watching The Rock with a heavy dose of that chocolate milk of his.

Well... Nothing new there.  
Except that I'm locked out of my own house.

"--Just let me in already! You're even worse than my psycho girlfriend, geez."

He must've heard. Because the door flew open to spit out my camera models with less grace than they deserved. Complete with my tripod and the next months' worth of apple juice. And what is that shiny thing...

"--no. No. No.. No."

That was the night;

I'll never forget.

I only saw my darling camera die in my arms that night.

.

Sometimes, we as simple as we are, may see our inanimate objects to be our companions. Cause: Loneliness and seclusion. Though Takaba had never been lonely--quite the opposite actually--his cameras became one of his comforts by the time he was fresh out of "boyhood." Tired by the presence humans and tired of being human.

With his cameras, he could become just another invisible God. Capturing stupid people with their stupid habits and stupid quirks

It was addictive.

And so, the destruction of his Nikon hit him.

Takaba didn't talk to the long haired man for nearly a whole half a month. Actively avoiding him. Staying inside of his dreary hole like a widowed spider.

But only until suddenly there was it. Glimmering lenses with sun-shine hit rainbow lenses, sitting innocently waiting to be eaten; Nikon D5200. Complete with a tripod and that fancy leather case he once saw in a fancy magazine.

That night, Takaba cooked stir fry with oyster sauce.

.

The following week; Feilong is sitting in front of the mirror, brushing his hair with elegance that Takaba thought wasn't possible. And he, himself is sorting Feilong's reference material when he comes across one particular movie.

"'Woman in the Dunes'... You watch movies too?" Feilong's shoots him a dirty look. "It's reference material. A friend said it was about life, sand shovelling and... something along those lines." Feilong pauses on a stubborn tangle. "It's good."

"What?"

"The movie. There's a particular scene I like. A man stays at a woman's house in the dunes who is forced to shovel sand. He asks her at one point 'Do you shovel sand to survive or survive to shovel sand?' It's like the mythical Sisyphus."

"...Dunno what a Sisyphus is though." Takaba turns and tosses the case around. The clock ticks behind them to enforce the ongoing silence.

"Do you brush your hair to survive or do you survive to brush your hair?"

Feilong laughs.

And neither notes of the hand Takaba laid on Feilong's knee.

.

"Did you notice? There's no move from the stalker anymore. I haven't received any letters."

"Isn't that a good thing?" He sucks on the straw and makes a face realising there's no iced tea left, "that means this Takaba Akihito is your official knight in shining armour."

A tight lipped pout.

"I wonder."

.

 

[Month 4]

"You, you're the one I, I gotta have--"

A call makes Takaba stop shampooing his hair and blindly reach towards the surely cursed phone.

"Hello...? Huh--? I'm coming, wait, wait just 10 minutes-"

The hospital could be the stage for a grand drama number in a movie. Nurses in  
bright lipstick and families laughing or crying over themselves, patients looking like death - and all stuck cold and surreal like a piece of art.

Takaba sighs and picks at his thumb, pointedly trying to ignore the awkward silence.

"Did I really have to come?"

"Do me a favour this once, Fei?"

"...I really don't fancy watching a woman push out bloody sacks of living meat from their genitalia." Takaba sighed at a mourning group. "She's my friend. Plus, she's all alone. And I don't know how to take care of newborn children."

Single mothers are pitiful things... God knows what may be marked for them in the future. Might they leave their children in another's embrace or love them like the Virgin Mary. In this sensitive situation, the labor is an important step. Secretly, Takaba liked to think the ones who abandon their children suffer in the dark. Crying, regretting. Such was his petty bias.

He tried not to string along Fei in this... But--

"But I don't blame you."

Takaba didn't pay attention when they'd come shoulder to shoulder. And now it made him extremely worried. (Do I smell? Is my hair showing dandruff? Does he hear my heart pounding.)

"Wh--"

He stilled, because Feilong's eyes look watery in this artificial limelight.

And soft like snow.

.

[At the end of Month 2]

_Dear diary!_

_There are people who naturally love deception. And there are humans who are forced to deceive._

_Who's the supreme evil of them all?_

_I know I love deception. I won't pretend to be innocent in this field. I have deceived a little over a hundred or so. But I don't hope to be deceived. More so from a lover. I'm a hypocrite but that's how I am._

_Recently there has been a case of... my so called rival, Takaba Akihito, deceiving me. I can't say I'm happy about it, but it's certainly not the opposite. I oddly feel compliant to let myself fall into this decorated spider web and see when the mother spider comes._

_I hope to see an end to this. But I can't dispel this feeling of, say, being in a forest of fog._

_Your Laoshi,  
Liu Feilong._

.

[Month 5]

Despair began to settle in. It almost felt natural that they should find each other asleep on the other's spot, one going out to buy groceries while the other recorded their favourite show, dancing in the middle of the night together. And Feilong found it a second ego to scratch the backseat of Takaba's car, or let him brush his hair...

To let him lay kisses at the nape like soft roses.

That wasn't a problem. Not at all.

One night, they sat down on the nice little chair on the balcony, in the middle of playing a virtual role play. Feilong, with his coffee in the role of Rokujo-no-Miyasudokoro and Takaba with his tea in the role of Genji Hikaru. Discussing why he was such a jerk.

"I'm nice, handsome, charming as fuck. Besides, I'm not the one with the crazy hair. So you don't get to tell me I'm a rebel."

"There's a reason for that. Unlike you, who rebels at every unnecessary situation, and fucks anything moves. Remember that time when you slept with that Yugao? She didn't even say that she was the love of your best friend. I'd say she deserved it."

"That doesn't mean you can just kill her. And you didn't even know that when you did it. Tch-- I liked you, you know!"

"You mean my Qin playing. What're you, a music critique? Do you think me water that will bend to your wind?"

"I think myself not the wind, but someone who loves you like the lowly grass to the moon. Who had acted out of will to the slight wind. But alas, my affections are hidden from your light by those dense clouds of yours."

_"Clouds in the distance. And old friend, or wild geese? We're lifetimes apart."_

The hush of cloth, sounds of heavy breathing and him sliding to caress white, snowy skin.

"Then let us not be apart. My heart belongs to yours already."

Gold eyes widen at the contact of bare skin.

Is this an acting?

_"You don’t know this already? Everything changes, nothing’s steady."_

Then again... Is an act far from reality?

_"At this late hour, You mustn’t dwell on being alone, On thoughts so sour."_

The taste of that first kiss tasted oddly like chewed flower petals.

.

That night was too long. As were the ones that followed after it.

I love the way my legs fit around your slender waist. I like the skin of your cheeks on my heated forehead, eyes closed as if in meditation. At some point, I whispered into your left ear because I think emotional phrases are remembered better that way.

"You could've just talked to me instead of staging this." It's devilish, my whispers. I know of the affect it has on you, and it makes me grin. "Though the latex paw was pretty convincing, I'd say." You flinch. You're thinking that the hands that I'm winding around your neck will be used for murder.

But I simply scratch that place. It's my favourite.

"I tried. You ignored me. If I didn't steal your dog..."

(Oh yeah. "Hey, you wanna go get lunch?" "Which department are you in?" "Let's take a photo~!" Those pathetic attempts a hormonal, moody teenager would do better at.)

"Are you angry?" Too much?

You ask with those wide blue eyes peeled back like I'm the Satan. I hum a tune.

"You're going to have to give me my Tao back, Akihito."

You close your eyes, cheeks a pale blue.

Maybe I'm sadistic, taking pleasure like this. Or I'm just another Casanova dying over the way you can't seem to pick up your clothes from the floor. (But seriously, you need to pick them up. Your clothes are not "just expressing themselves" on your car seat.)

But this is a sensuous, sinful dream.

And dreams have no value unless they become reality.

.

[Month 6]

Feilong tries to ignore the stares as they sat down a red painted, two-seater. The others have never seen them together, and now it's a fascinating show one would never again see.

"...This is so awkward." Takaba gives an equally awkward grin and asks if he'd rather sit with someone else. He doesn't doubt it.

"No. I don't think I would."

.

[Month 7]

Takaba loves going all philosophical on Feilong's evil little ass. Ever since he talked of "The woman in the dunes" he'd bring out some vintage movie every week and try and bring out his Shakespearian side. Frankly, Feilong thinks it's either annoying or slightly uncomfortable. (But he goes with it, anyway.)

Today is "Life of O-Haru."

They sit against eachother, Takaba's in that philosophical mood of his again and he thinks about how great it feels to lie on someone's lap while being fed.

"...Let's say: I hate that woman because she's promiscuous. But ask me if I have seen it myself. No, I haven't. But I just, uh.. feel entitled to hate her. I think it's unfair really."

Feilong shifts so he can see blue rage in that brat's eyes.

"Isn't that what everyone does? It's basic instinct. See, just being on the safe side so one can protect their mates and their self confidence. Besides, I don't think it's true hatred." He coughs, and ignores the mischief in Takaba's expression. "True hatred can only afflicted by those close to you. True hatred... _**hurts.**_ "

"Is that experience talking?"

"Observation." Feilong throws him a dirty look. "I hear of cheating spouses a thousand times a day."

"...would you cheat on me?"

There's a serious tone underneath jest.

"Oh please. Like I don't have better things to do."

A loud, relieved sigh; and then Takaba doubles down with laughter as he's pushed down from the couch.

.

The nights gradually become chilly. Fewer and fewer people now go out to enjoy the air, common people like the thought of being safe in a fall's silent night and eating warm Tamagoyaki with that special someone.

They are the extraordinary couple.

Starry nights; dangerous streets; searing bodies cooling after a good, hard fucking.

A white hand is extended to him. Blue eyes brilliant even when embraced by darkness.

_Let's be immortal. Painting the sky's together like Zeus and Hera._

He replies with a huff, fixing his long hair and frosty clothes of grass and dirt that: he wouldn't want to be immortal. People like to dig up dirt, even more so when it's about immortals. Entering, searching, tearing an open wound. Secrets being discovered one by one.

And he wants this night to be a secret - _their_ secret.

.

There's this girl friend (not girlfriend; mind you) that hangs around Takaba.

Momohara Ai.

Cute model, quirky personality, and that stupid perfect fucking hair.

"Do you know? Azumi-chan came with her boyfriend yesterday and y--" her gaze travels to the TV screen, eyes wide that sickening anticipation that makes Feilong want to wring her neck.

Seattle Titans make another goal, and the game is sure in its winner.

...He knows - no - he can feel it.

What comes next.

Cue laughter and applause. Drinks flying, heads butting and flawless hands traveling a little too close to Takab's arse in their hug.

Fei can see the scenery bleed red, his skin burning with a bloodlust.

_Where's my motherfucking knife._

.

"I had a dream that you cheated on me with Ai."

Takaba rolls over, eyes soft and dark. "What."

Look at that little fox. Just look at him. He says it like its the most obvious thing in the world-

"Have you ever liked her?"

"No. I thought we were over this."

"Exactly."

"Exactly." Takaba looks at Fei weird. "Let's just... Sleep. I guess."

The sheets hiss as he rolls back away. And Takaba closes his eyes, finally.

Tick-Tock. Tick-Tock. Tick--

"But, have you ever hooked up her? Even considered dating her? I refuse to believe that after you've been together all these years and-"

It's these nights that are cute as fuck.

.

_[Month 8]_

_Dear lover, try and guess who I am._

_It's me. I love you. And since it's so embarrassing to say this dead panned like you with your shining gold eyes. Let me just say this in my mind._

_I like it when you look at me from the corner of your eye. I desire those eyes and you._

_I think you know how good it feels when we hold hands in a crowd. It's like we can be together through anything. At twilights hours, I just can't wait to lie on your lap and watch some stupid rom-com. They're even better to watch when you feed me candy apples by mouth._

_I like spinning around with you nestled in my arms. My neck against yours, laughs mixing together. My hair splaying like spider's thread on your face as you laugh with abandon. In those moments, I pretend that we're married. That's silly; I know. But I can't help it._

_When you make me chase you, provoke you, I fantasise that we're in a lush forest. Your feet against the ground and my stares at your lips._

_And think about... I get how comfortable you are with me. But seriously; sometimes I wonder if we're the most weirdest couple out there._

_There are nights when we eat dinner together but not talking. And somehow it doesn't feel rude._

_When I'm out if beer; I switch my glass with yours--and you don't even mind. (Can you tell Im mind blown?)_

_I like how those weird high collars you like to wear slightly caress your neck. So much that I go straight in like a Hound and rip them away to bite your sternum._

_I love you. I'll always be with you._

_Always._

_This will never change._

.

There is a strange sense of inadequacy that comes with admiration.  
Watching someone so high up there from down on your knees.  
The desperate need to please and be approved of.

Last week was when Feilong first found out.

He was at a funeral with Aki. The head of Sion and his employer; Inoue-San's funeral. Despite his reluctance to leave their too-warm bed and coffee scented home to attend someone's funeral who he didn't even remotely care about... He attended. Just to be a perfect emploee, and to figure out his employer (and perhaps gauge out how much leeway Fei can get from this person.)

Asami Ryuichi.

The name sent a chill down his spine.

Suave; sultry; seasoned--Asami Ryuuichi was someone who demanded attention, trust. And got it.

Least of all; from the oh so picky himself.

Feilong doesn't think he exactly minds it.

.

These days, minutes and seconds. Takaba decided that something was _off._

Fei had those glassy eyes and that petal like glow that of a woman in love.

He didn't even display that expression when they became a couple.

And now, Asami Ryuchi was invited to dinner. In their sanctuary.

Takaba had a heart full of sharp glass. Prickling and bleeding incessantly like a stubborn wound.

He looks into Feilong's eyes, vulnerability and power surging through his veins, trying to distinguish something; anything, behind those depthless eyes hidden through a veil of gauzy lashes.

Are we coming to an end--or is this just the beginning?

.

Bright blue eyes, a determined German chin, a resolve unwilling to break.

_Uncommon._

That's the word that seared through Asami for a short, fleeting moment. The thought when he saw him. Takaba Akihito. One of his surrogate father's loyalest employees. Confidante.

And now _his._

He couldn't help but let a tight-lipped smile escape.

Later in the night, engrossed in the dinner with the other two stooges (Takaba's friends, Takoyaki-Takato? And Kou) Feilong said something along the lines of "how great of a cook his lover was." Asami only blinked twice, and consumed another bite of the sautéed mushroom.

It really didn't matter to him all that much.

All that could be changed.

.  
  
"Can you please just _get the fuck away_ from my partner?"

Dinner is at its end. As Kou and Takato would be staying, Takaba offered to walk Asami to his car. And now this conversion has started to occur. Quite bluntly at that.

Asami wouldn't have expected anything less.

"...Pardon me?"

Takaba purses his lips, a tongue flicking to lick the chapped horribleness away. And Asami choose not to lick the path that the endearing tongue had taken.

Just like a little kitten.

"You heard me right. Don't act stupid." Asami glances into blue raging depths. "I'm saying to stop aiming for Fei... And don't deny it. The dinner was proof enough. Feilong is mine." A sharp darkness grazes the otherwise dull words, and it sends a uncharacteristic chill down his spine.

He slides a foot closer to the blonde. The accusation isn't true, but it's too amusing an opportunity to pass up.

(To test if this affair was worth it.)

"What if I don't?"

And in reply, blondie grins like the Cheshire Cat.

"That's simple."

He leans dangerously close, smug and confident.

"I attack."

.  
_  
[Month 9]_

_Dear Diary,_

_Please don't ask why I didn't give you the enthusiastic greeting I always give. My father has died. Yan-Tzui has escaped prison. Takaba is floating away from me like sea foam_

_I might not be a regal romantic, imagining the tales of Bonnie and Clyde and swooping up lovers unexpectedly in my arms, but I care when it comes to Aki. Asami Ryuichi is stubbornly aiming to steal away all things I love, and I can't it in me to object. I can't find the strength in me. That man knows exactly where to hurt and where to caress._

_I'm loosing everything._  
They're slipping away from my hands like fine sand.  
I'm falling into the darkness again.

_Only this time; there is no one to hold my hand through it._

_Your master,  
Liu Feilong._

.

In this week, everyone gets a sexual lesson. Courtesy of the extended research and experience of Asami Ryuichi, Takaba Akihito.

Today's title: Hokake Chausu. ("Sailboat Tea Mortar.")

In this act, Asami Ryuichi and Takaba Akihito face each other. Aki has his hands behind his back, warming the skin of his otherwise cold back, and his weight thrown carelessly on Asami's groin.

And thus, adding depth and lust to each slow, hissing thrust. Asami holds Aki's legs and thighs, printing bruises into fragile skin. Supporting and manipulating all weight, he moves in circles, forwards and upwards in savage intervals, impaling him as deep as he can. Hitting that oh so sweet spot.

They kiss.

Passion. Persuasion. Persistence.

The heavy alcohol in Takaba's breath mix with the cold burn in Asami's veins.

And so the mistaken night ends with Asami gone from the hotel room he'd booked and Takaba questioning what really happened.

He never remembers.

.

The next night, Takaba suspects that Fei knows.

For they sleep facing away from each other, accusing each other of the same crime. Same unfaithfulness. Same infidelity.

.

Aki fiddles with one of the many plastic flowers on a white, stark wedding veil. Only lifting his head once or twice to watch Aoki Mayu's fumble around with her poof of a dress; or maybe when Takato enters to inquire some help about the aisle and servers.

So much tense fuss--

It was a typical wedding alright.

He finally moves to add the finishing touch: the veil.

"Takaba-Kun." Mayu looks at him through the mirror, eyes glassy and pink. Takaba fears that her mascara will smudge. "Thanks a lot."

"For what?"

"...For everything." She pauses, a rare emotion alive like a dragon in her eyes. "If it weren't for you, I'd never have met Kuroda-San. Now... I'll be happy forever now."

Takaba doubts the truth of that. Love is circumstantial. Who's to say that they won't divorce after Kuroda--being the righteous prick he was--wouldn't divorce her after having witnessing her unethical ways of journalism. And they'd fall apart like that.

_Just like you and Feilong?_

(My hands tighten. Even in these dying sun sparks; It still feels too early to let go of your cold hand.)

But for now, he'll smile and admire how much of a bride Mayu looks like with a veil.

"--COME ON! Don't be such a crybaby! You should smile!"

He'll pretend to be happy today. Just for Mayu.

(Today, I'll give away sadness of the receding rain to the fragrant spring.)

.

That day, after reception, he's kissed by Asami Ryuichi in front of two thousands of people. In front of Fei's stony and fog-like figure. Slowly drifting from their happiness and entering a broken future.

Fei doesn't return home that day. Or the day after that. Or the day after that.

Takaba doesn't even get to say goodbye.

.

[Month 10]

True friends might be the ones who help you in times of need. But who's to say that they'll stay by you when not in need?

That's what _he_ thought, at least.

Feilong never had many friends. Solitare, and antisocial behaviour was a comfort.

But he did have companions. Yoh. The mysterious, the silent and ever present.

So he goes to him.

.

There's a sense of power that comes to him when he takes Yoh. Again, Yoh is never much of a talker. And Feilong prefers that to incessant moans and annoying groans. Gives him time to blow away his thoughts like feathers.

And after they are finished, he doesn't like to look back to see depthless eyes staring as if Feilong had done nothing out the ordinary.

Like he just hadn't degraded Yoh.

And pleasure crawls through the holes of his heart.

(After all, he is no hero.)

.

[Month 11]

"So... What're you going to do now?"

"I'm quitting."

"Takaba-kun." Kirishima leans forward as if telling a white secret. "Asami-Sama wouldn't be pleased. He could very well keep you by force."

"Do I look like I give a fuck?"

"No. Of course you don't."

"...I'll be expecting the order by noon."

And he leaves like the wind. Aki's never liked Kirishima's pitying gaze.

.

(Let's sit by each other again. Let's drink your favourite beer again. Please.)

The next days were spent in self-observation. Apple juices long forgotten, Netflix unused and papers unwilling to be written.

Just he and his camera.

All alone.

Once more.

(What had gone wrong in this sanguine affair of ours? Could we never be together again?)

Feilong never called.

Even though he checked his phone obsessively.

Asami called.

He didn't pick it up. Nor opened the door.

(My life is ruined. Ruined by your silvery gazes.)

.

_[Month 12]_

_Dear Diary._

_I'm alone than ever before. Full of hatred. Hurt. And vengeful. The very thing I didn't want. I had always through vengeful people very pitiable. (Am I that pitiable now?)_

_I've lost everything. I'm a hollow casket decorated with flowers._

_Lovers, career, emotions:_

_Asami took it all isn't that so._

_Sometimes, I think of death. And how when I look at mirrors; I look right past me, **through** me. Like I'm a stranger in a crowd. _

_I want to disappear from this world just to escape this suffocation._

_You think I'm a coward don't you, wanting to escape instead of battling it. But it takes courage to die too. To not care about pointed fingers and wagging tongues. (Praise be to those who can actually go through it.)_

_But it might be as it seems. I was never an iceberg with an intricate tip._

_It all happened so fast. I couldn't gauge what was happening before everything got swept away. Nothing is normal anymore._

_Is this what life is supposed to be like? The merciless, ruthless and... cold "grown up" life that Yan-Tzui always prided himself to be a part of?_

_I hate it here. People are hateful, malicious and willing to anything to betray. I know that it isn't true for all. There are exceptions. Takaba is still one of them. But I love him. I hate him. I want him again. But I don't want him again._

_(Just because you love them doesn't mean you can spend forever together.)_

_And It's more comforting to wallow in suffering forever than to experience temporary happiness._

_I wonder how others handle it. Being cheated on. Being loved and betrayed. It might be the a me, our experiences. At our base instincts, all of us are the same._

_**Dirty. Dirty. Dirty.** _

_I'm part of the unfortunate, dirty regality. Full of prejudices and addictive hatred. Undone by love and ambition and losing everything because of it._

_And this are the ways of the court of unfortunate._

_An unfair judgement to the unfortunate regalities._


End file.
